Saturday, December 18, 2010

Depressed during the happiest time of the year >_>

Depressed...don't know why...
I getting in one of those moods where I feel like I am not wanted, my opinion doesn't matter, what is life going to bring me?
But seriously, sometimes at home I wonder why am I still here when my opinion isn't heard, or they tell me shut up when I "hit right at the spot" but they don't want to hear it because they are more of adults so what they say is obviously right. My mom always tells me something at least once a day that doesn't make me feel great. She also repeats stuff like you didn't hear it the 1,345,958th time, like I'm some dumbass.
I have hearing, I'm not mentally retarded where I can't understand...
But that isn't the reason as to why I'm down because that is every day life for me.

There is snow on the ground and it is lovely out, I took a walk and it made me feel better. I was tracking some humans boot prints in the woods so my mind was off things. It was the kid that goes down there hunting >_> He has a pellet rifle sometimes and he hunts for animals that are not on his property. I thought he stayed to his neck of the woods but he goes all around the area. Not quite as far as I have gone in the joining woods because no one has done that much but this guy...I need to put a stop to it. Maybe big a hole where his blind is lol

Anyways, I was playing Goldeneye and I was doing good. Actually really good and then started doing bad so I was doing suicide grenade charges at the players. Those I wasn't playing to hot because it would be 3 kills me and I would have died 21 times... The host eventually left so I logged off.
I haven't posted for a while on here. I have taken some photos of the snow around the house but I haven't even got the energy to edit them and post them. There sin't to many photos at all.
I feel into my creek yesterday when I was sleigh riding in the woods down in the back. It was cold so we stopped after that.
I managed to finish Code Geass the first part yesterday. I actually started it yesterday and finished today. Don't know how I did that. I'm on R2 now.
My girl friend came back Wednesday so I saw her a little then and then on Thursday it snowed and she wasn't allowed out. Friday she had to be taken to Williamsburg so I haven't seen her but for those small hours on Wednesday. I wish she was here, I may or may not be feeling better but it is better to have someone with you if your down.
From the sleight riding I think I got sore form the trees and flipping so I could use a massage on my back. I miss her, and I am worried that we wont have much time to see each other. I hope we are not getting apart. I still need to wrap her gift!
I have been posting a lot on the hobby blog. Definitely more views then this blog and I think I am about to have more posts on it as well lol

I hope everything goes back to normal by the time Christmas starts. I checked Weather.com and it said that it may have snow showers and the day after so we might get a white Christmas here. Christmas is never the same anymore anyways though. Less family is involved, not much gift giving and we just wake up in the morning and eat breakfast and maybe open gifts if there are some. Usually there is. Last time I got a lot of stuff like bowls, spoons and such. Hinting that I should leave but they always lecture me about leaving and how much it will cost to move out so I set all the presents in a trunk in my room where thy collect dust.
When I was younger, it was magical. Everything about it. The enjoyment, the surprises, the imagination at work, the tearing of wrapping paper hoping it was that huge action figure.
Either Christmas Eve or day of is when we go to Chesterfield for the dads side of the family. It use to be a lot of family that would meet up but now usually, just like this past Thanksgiving, it will be my sister, mother father and me joining my aunt and uncle and my grandparents. Possibly my cousin that is about 30 now will join us too but he didn't come for Thanksgiving.
It use to be my immediate family, two aunts, two uncles, 4 cousins and a girl friend of the cousins, and some family friends from the church would stop by.
It isn't like they moved away away, they are either the county near by or so. Hour at the most away where we get together really. Were a few counties away and we make it but we are not that busy really on that day. It is nice to see them all and gather around the table. Family is important on Christmas as it is any time of the year. Can't forget where you come from, that is for sure. If everyone started to forget as to where they come from, we all would be lost. History is important after all lol

Hmm, I think I am all good on my rant I think I feel better. I got Elf on the TV right now, on USA. Might be the only movie that I like with Will Ferrell.
I watched the A Team earlier today too, that was an OK movie.

I think I might go now, possibly an early night for me. Hey it might snow later tonight as well. I hope it does. I still want a huge big snow, but that is just me.

Night everyone

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